hey hey you beautiful people of earth.

today is a massive celebratory day for me.

in times past, i would "celebrate" this day by reflecting on the wrongs i had done to myself and others and focus on how despite my wretched self, full of sin, and the bad person i was, jesus came in and saved the day through his perfection and blood.

i would remind myself of the guilt and shame i brought on myself through my bad decisions, and while still believing i was capable of this wretchedness again, would turn to jesus, his unconditional love, and "celebrate" that i found the courage to get out of the deep sin i was in. 

typing this out above here makes me feel nauseous.

the fact that any of us have this perception of ourselves...that we are born, as innocent babies, into sin, and have to find our way back to god through this means or that means feels so innately wrong within the very essence of who i am. my body constricts at this notion.

the feelings and beliefs around shame and guilt wrec...

ok let’s pick back up from our conversation that took place right before easter. if you’re a new follower and reading this for the first time, i recommend you go here to read the first half of this conversation before diving into this one. 

what did jesus mean when he said “you bow before the law…”

first off, i’m not a scholar by any means. not formally educated in scripture in any way, shape, or form. my only experience is growing up in the church as a pastor’s kid and then following in my parent’s footsteps by pastoring. it is incredibly important to note, i have only been exposed to the westernized evangelical messaging and scriptural context found within such in my culture. it was only when i stepped away that i began to learn the depth, variance, and context when analyzing scripture. above all, i listen to my gut…my intuition. my body tells me when something is off and i need to look further into it. 

this indirect, interpretive quote of jesus, “you bow before the law…and viola...

i trust all is well with you. i have some thoughts as we walk into this big weekend…

in times past for me and jeff as pastors, easter weekend, was our biggest church event of the year. we planned months in advance…all the details of this glorious, easter sunday service, created and refined over and over again. we brought in and hired extra support, reminded our volunteers of their early arrival times, made sure the songs and lights were up to date.

we went over the top.
it was a production.

more people would come through the doors that day than any other day that year.

this weekend is the super bowl of the church world.

we had to get it right…our ego demanded it. we needed to share “the numbers” with our friends and mentors. it felt really good when those numbers were bigger than the previous year. it was a marker…on how the church, our church, was doing.

were we actually changing lives for the better?
not sure.

the overall church numbers world-wide, especially in america, are in ...

this just might be my shortest blog yet.

life is evolving and expanding at such rapid speed that i cannot keep up with all i need to tell you!

so let me begin by saying…when you are ready…and i mean, *really* ready for abundance to flow in…god and the universe shows up in magical ways.

from my last announcement about the horse rescue, finding land in louisiana, and heading to the dealership to buy a truck…all three are fully in play at the very moment i write this.

i’ll share more later about the details…but since speaking with you last, i indeed traded in my beloved, blue porsche macan for a big ‘ole white, ford f350 dually. yep. you read that right. i’ve got a car that matches my body shape, and apparently you call trucks like this, “big booty judy”. i’m obsessed and navigating through dallas this past month has been quite the learning experience.

i’m experiencing the very first taste of what it looks like to slow down my life. i can’t whip in and out of traffic, turning in my d...

enough.

i’ve had enough.

this blog post was supposed to be the latest update on my horse rescue journey, the purchase of my new truck, and all the things going on with my trust journey as of late.

however, i was hit up again this week from another dynamic, powerful, successful woman, who is reeling from the devastation of losing familial relationships because of boundaries she implemented all around religious theologies and the differentiation experienced within such.

i am ready to speak up about my journey within the church, how i have navigated this within my family, and how i have forged my path in discovering my own truth as it relates to god, salvation, heaven and hell, and various religious practices...all of this in hopes of helping those of you who have reached out to me over the years for guidance in navigating issues such as those mentioned above.

i desire everyone to hear about my journey, eventually; but this first expression will be held for those of you who reach out...

omg. sooo many things to update you on and i am so freakin’ excited.

i will try my best to make this quick. here’s what is going on in my little world over here:

you know i’ve been going to one of the largest US horse auctions for the last two months…incredible lessons learned and insights gained. horses come through this business and some don’t even see the auction floor. “direct ship” horses, better known as kill pen horses, well, at this auction, this is the end of the road for them before they head to mexico for slaughter.

when i’m in the kill pen with them, the energy of demise and death is all around. i have found horses to be some of the most intuitive animals to interact with. it’s more than “nature” itself…mysticism is involved here. i have no doubts about that.

many of them are afraid of humans because either they are our wild american horses that the government is rounding up (not cool, another story for another time) or humans, that are completely disconnected from our ...