Sovereignty

hey hey you beautiful people of earth.

today is a massive celebratory day for me.

in times past, i would "celebrate" this day by reflecting on the wrongs i had done to myself and others and focus on how despite my wretched self, full of sin, and the bad person i was, jesus came in and saved the day through his perfection and blood.

i would remind myself of the guilt and shame i brought on myself through my bad decisions, and while still believing i was capable of this wretchedness again, would turn to jesus, his unconditional love, and "celebrate" that i found the courage to get out of the deep sin i was in. 

typing this out above here makes me feel nauseous.

the fact that any of us have this perception of ourselves...that we are born, as innocent babies, into sin, and have to find our way back to god through this means or that means feels so innately wrong within the very essence of who i am. my body constricts at this notion.

the feelings and beliefs around shame and guilt wreck havoc not only on our souls but our physical bodies. it is not meant to be this way. it never was.

we are what we believe. there is no way around it.

if you believe you are bad, in need of salvation from an eternal lake of fire, then you will find yourself beholden to all the ways that belief can carry itself out. 

the best news ever is this priniciple is true for the other side of the coin.

if you believe yourself to be good, truly believing that absolutely nothing can separate you from the love of god...this thought makes my heart smile, tears roll down my face, my body expand, and my heart space open up.
let's take this beautiful thought as far as we can...nothing...nothing...can separate you from the love of god. i don't care what you have done or how bad you or the world thinks it is...nothing.

today i celebrate that 16 years ago, i found the courage to choose love...to choose goodness after the most amazing encounter with a god that i had never met in my 30 plus years within the church.

my life has never been the same. my experience with god...that extremely personal experience...and finding my truth, on my terms, about who god is, has and continues to be the most sacred aspect of my earthly journey.

i am grateful to god.
i am grateful to me. (cue snoop dogg's "i wanna thank me" here 😉)
i am grateful to my master teacher and cornerstone, jesus.
i am grateful toward my family.
i am grateful for the church and the other dualistic systems at large...for they have taught me, through much trial and error, the answer is within and never will be outside of myself, my body, or my oneness with god.

for 16 years this day has been called "freedom day".
today and until my days on earth are complete it will simply be called "sovereignty".

i love you.