my love affair with sf

one year ago today, holding the duality of grief and excitement, i pulled out of the city that captured my heart from my youth.

i love sf. she is simply stunning.

jeff and i were engaged there, honeymooned there, hit a rough patch in the marriage at year 10 and came back to remember what “us” was all about, and in 2018 we were presented with the opportunity to move there.

i’ll never forget my excitement moving to the city i love and adored.

we left our 1930’s tudor-style home in comfortable east dallas, texas to brave the promises and beauty of the west by living on the top floor of a multi-family community building with gorgeous skyline views, nestled on the edge of the TL.

2019 was an amazing first year there and i thought it would last forever.

then came the woes of 2020 where every last one of us experienced so many levels of shock, bewilderment, grief, and suffering.

this is not a post about “2020” at this time, but for context, i’d like to point out that 2020 was the year where everyone and every thing began an unveiling process.

it’s as if truth had a soul and finally stepped into the light.
and by the end of december 2020, i knew i was a fish out of water…
experiencing a birth of a new earth…new reality i had never known.

by february 2021, i was, by intuition alone, calling new relationships and experiences into my life.
i had a massive, life-altering meltdown in march of that year.
we traveled back to dallas in may of 2021 for a wedding and my, my, my…how things can shift quickly.

jeff and i knew upon arriving back into the city…we were to be back here. it felt so good. the energy go this place was palpable.
it was always written in the stars.

we were so flustered in 2019 when our dallas home wouldn’t sell, only to find out god and the great universe sees the bigger picture always.

everything lined up for us to move back to dallas and so by the end of september 2021, we made one last trip to wine country and all our favorite sf places, then loaded up a rental van, packed-in like sardines, and made the journey back to where we thought we’d never return.

i am grateful for opportunities like this. opportunities to grow, learn, experience life and people.

and i still grieve for how sf has changed over the years. it’s not the city i fell in love with.

big tech came in, pushed the creatives out.

the duplicitous nature of the politics and what it does to the communities is sickening at best.

the crime is unmanageable and my money is being poured into a bucket with holes in it.

just like people change, cities do too. change is a must.
but what i once thought would be a lover forever, disappointed me and i acknowledge my role as well.

i haven’t been back since.
the desire has not been there.
i hope it will return one day…

because i can still feel the butterfly feelings she gave me before she hurt me so very deeply.