a piece of my heart…

it’s weekly that a beautiful, brave woman reaches out to me.

she’s asking for guidance.

i’d love it if she was asking about how to start her business, get physically healthy, or even have a better relationship with her partner.

these topics feel safe to me, i’ve had success with them, and can lead perfectly in those spaces.

but that’s not where she’s at right now.

she is reaching out because what she’s known of god and her personal experience with the church is no longer working for her and she has no idea how to move forward.

she desires to honor and have massive gratitude for where she’s been and the beautiful people that have led her to this point, and at the same time, feels this inward pull to begin exploring god outside of the interpretations of others and their boxes.

the debilitating fear of disappointing others, leaving their beliefs, what this could mean for her relationship with them leaves her paralyzed in a numbing state of living a basic life that lacks abundant adventure, joy, peace, and unconditional love.

i see you.
i love you.

perhaps you’ve watched my journey…for quite awhile now.

you’ve watched me try all kinds of different things with a big dose of inconsistency.

i’ve been mainly silent on the socials about my process with god and the church.

i’ve desired to honor my familial legacy and the gifts my family and friends bestowed on me, along with the inherent, influential platform that came with all of it.

i didn’t have the capacity to communicate my journey effectively because i didn’t know how to hold duality well.

i didn’t know how to celebrate both pain and pleasure, joy and sorrow, black and white, right and wrong.

the concept, that differentiation brings about more insight and intimacy, i have explored and found to be true for me. 

the more i open myself to questions and exploration, the more beauty i find in the unknown.

in order to be where i am now, i had to make room.
in order to make room, things had to be released.

my process has been slow, intentional, arduous, scary, painful, paralyzing,
and also joyful, loving, thoughtful, freeing, and oh so sacred.

i’m ready to be seen.
i’m ready to communicate.
i’m ready to fail while doing my very best.
i’m ready to be misunderstood.
i’m ready to honor me.
i’m ready to honor you.

more to come…

i love you.
miquell