ITTY BITTY TITTIES

the year was 1996.
i was 18. fresh outta high school.
engaged to my soulmate.
and big boobs were in.

we all wanted to be in that red, lifeguard bathing suit, blonde hair, hourglass figure…and the boobs.
we love you pamela…and i’m sure borat still does too.

unfortunately for me, i got the short end of the genetics boob stick. 🙄
not only were my boobs “too small”, but the girls’ nipples acted more like turning signals than headlights.

mix all that with a fat dose of massive insecurity and perfectionism,
and i was a prime candidate for implants.

now i was a pastor’s kid at the time, and so the level of enhancement had to be in moderation, not too terribly noticeable, and just enough for the girls to boldly claim their new “highlights” status.

in february of 1997, a month before my 19th birthday and two months before my wedding, my breasts were enhanced to support my low self-esteem and soothe my anxious mind getting naked in front of my soon to be husband.

they were nice and fun…until they weren’t.

it wasn’t known or communicated in 1997 that implants need to be replaced every 10 years.
so when i recently came into that knowledge 24 years after having them in my body…you can imagine my feelings.
…and then things started to come together.

i’d not thought much about my various physical ailments and illnesses over these last 26 years.
i passed each off as isolated incidents that come with getting older.

but as my symptoms worsened each year, i knew these implants needed to come out.

breast implant illness (BII) is real, the cancer and many other ailments associated with them has been verified by the FDA.

learn from me…do your research.

what are we to expect our precious bodies to do with these foreign objects in them?

fight. she always fights. sends all available resources to keep herself surviving. and in doing so, the immune system is weakened, the body is under constant, avoidable stress, and it develops its own triage system.

i made a decision to get my implants removed.

i sought out the best of the best doctors. i didn’t care about the costs. i was ready to do whatever needed to be done to support my beautiful, strong body.

i found dr. david ranken in my research and immediately knew he was for me. i called in november of 2021 to be told his waitlist is over a year and half. there is a reason why his waitlist is so long and i’ll let you dive into all the research if it feels aligned. (he’s on IG)

i made my cash deposit, and in august 2023 i’ll be heading to florida to show my body how much i love her.

until then i’m nurturing her deeply, grieving my neglect of her for 40 plus years, and finally feel my becoming one with her.

i find it interesting that i’ve never allowed oneness with my body.

this may sound odd to some of you but let me explain:

growing up christian, i was taught she (the flesh) was evil, can’t be trusted, and has a mind of her own.
while this teaching, i learned later in life, is speaking more of our ego than our “flesh”, in my younger years it caused a deep separation between me and my body. this led to my abusing my body in more ways than i have time describing here.

turns out our bodies are more intelligent than our egoic minds will ever be.
operating from more than 6 million years of evolutionary evidence and practice, the body knows how to heal when given the right resources.

and…the body is always talking to us. always sharing what’s going on…if we will quiet down enough, break away from our disassociation with her due to our modern lifestyles, lean in and listen.

our bodies can be trusted.
our bodies can heal.
and i’m committed to listening more to her than ever.

i love you.